mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm always down for nudity.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
