So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize