i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
