Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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