and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
