i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
