Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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