What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
