so that wasnt chicken after all
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
