Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
