Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
