she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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