Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
