Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
