You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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