You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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