Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
