Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
