im holly from the hills drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize