Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
