I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
