I think I died a long time ago.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
