I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
