I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
