girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize