She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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