i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
