I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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