We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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