I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
