he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
