you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she peed on how many people?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
