ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
