ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
