Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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