It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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