I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
