Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
