My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
