..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
