I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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