What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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