u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
