First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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