Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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