He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
