Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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