It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
