When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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