Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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