Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
