i just wanna soil my oats bro
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
