I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
