Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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