So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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