Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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