well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
