I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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