the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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