I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
