Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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