here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
