So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
