I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
