i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
