I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
why is half of my head shaved?
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