ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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