Pappa wants mamma naked
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fuck appropriateness.
love makes seman taste better
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
