Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
