I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
