Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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