he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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